miércoles, 19 de diciembre de 2012

Apologies and dreams: the end of the world?- Disculpas y sueños: ¿se acaba el mundo?

I think I have to apologize for my laziness. Don't say you are going to update if you´re not going to do it for real. But it's useless to apologize. You know, as well as I do, that the truth is that bloggers don`t update when they don´t feel like it. That´s all. Creo que tengo que disculparme por mi flojera imperdonable. No vayas por ahí diciendo que vas a actualizar si no lo vas a hacer de verdad. Pero no sirve de nada disculparse. Sabéis tan bien como yo que los blogueros no acutalizan cuando no se sienten inspirados, eso es todo.

They have announced the end of the world so many times that we don`t believe a thing anymore. But, you know, the prophecy tells that the world ends in two days. Since Emu have written already her before-world-ends-entry, I thought it´s my turn. There is a long time since I wrote my wishes and feelings, and maybe this is the chance. Han anunciado el fin de mundo tantas veces que ya no nos creemos nada de nada. Pero, ya sabéis la profecía maya dice que el mundo se acaba en dos días. Ya que Emu ha escrito ya su post de antes del fin del mundo, pensé que era mi turno.

Pics of late September when light was backing off and darkness won the battle. Now I long for it fo come back.

Just the other evening I was thinking how good it was that the Sun remains a little longer on the horizon. My mother has told me that people in Andalusia used to say: "After St. Lucía Day ( December 13th), the days are "the footprint of a cock" longer". I think that refers to the movement of shadows on the ground, otherwise I couldn't explain that strange measurement unit... For me, it's awful when the darkness covers everything at 18h. I know that in other countries it is way worse than here in Spain, but I can't help it, I hate Winter! But, wait, Winter hasn't even started... But I'm OK if there's light. So, I was really happy when I checked that it was almost 19h and the sky wasn't totally black. Really, I felt happy. Justo el otro día estaba pensando que qué bien que el sol ya se queda un poquito más en el horizonte. Mi madre me ha contado que la gente en Andalucía solía decir: "Después del día de Santa Lucía (el 13 de diciembre), los días se alargan la pata de un gallo". Creo que se refiere al movimiento de la sombra en el suelo, porque si no no puedo explicar esa forma de medir tan rara xD... Para mí, es horrible cuando la oscuridad lo cubre todo a las 18h. Ya sé que en otros países es muuuucho peor que en España, pero no puedo remediarlo, ¡odio el invierno! Aunque, espera, el invierno ni siquiera ha comenzado... Pero si hay luz, me conformo. Así que, estaba muy contenta cuando me di cuenta de que eran casi las siete y el cielo no estaba totalmente oscuro. En serio, me sentí feliz.

In order to cheer me up, in November I spent my time trying some outfits - the sort of outfits which are difficult to wear where I live, because people stares at you, but I think they are cute.

The same day I wore that outfit, I tried macaroons. They surprised me, they were really tasty! My favourite was the green one...

Another autumn outfit with the same shirt. I love romantic outfits, in fact, they are almost the only thing I like about autumn and winter... That t-shirt is so chic, maybe too chic for me...

In that moment of happiness, I started to think of my hopes and dreams. We all know that this world is a mess - it's better to use light words-, everyone of us has their own pains, situations where we are trapped in, things that we don't want but they do come. But, despise of all that, I continue having hopes of fulfill my dreams. I want to be happy, I want to be free. I don't have other dream but to know who I am, where is my place in this world, where is my world. My dream is a little one: to live peacefully, to enjoy art, share the best of me -which is my sincere heart. Even finding love is secondary: when I find myself, maybe someone else will find me. I dream of leaving behind the insanity of this world, although I can't get out of it. I don't want to live frustrated or anxious, I just don't want to receive hate or envy, nor send it to others... I'll have to deal with the things that I don't like, but I hope that I will learn to minimize them until I only live with the things I like. I know that moment is still far away, but I hope that some day, it will come to stay. En ese momento de felicidad, empecé a pensar en mis esperanzas y sueños. Todos sabemos que el mundo está patas arriba -mejor usaremos palabras suaves-, cada uno tiene sus penas, situaciones donde está atrapado, cosas que no quiere pero que vienen sin que se puedan parar... Pero, a pesar de todo eso, sigo esperando cumplir mis sueños. Quiero ser feliz, quiero sentirme libre. No tengo más sueño que conocerme a mí misma, cuál es mi sitio en el mundo, cuál es mi mundo. Mi sueño es pequeño: sólo vivir en paz, disfrutar del arte, compartir lo mejor que tengo: mi sinceridad. Hasta encontrar el amor está en segundo plano: cuando me encontrara a mí misma, alguien más me encontraría, digo yo. Sueño con dejar toda la locura malsana del mundo atrás, aunque no pueda salirme de él. No quiero vivir con frustración ni ansiedad, no quiero recibir odio ni envidia, ni enviarlos a los demás. Tendré que aguantar las cosas que no me gustan, pero espero aprender a minimizarlas hasta que pueda vivir sólo con las cosas que me gustan. Sé que para eso falta mucho, pero espero que algún día, ese momento llegará por fin.
Pic from my walks around the Cathedral of Málaga. I really liked that light...

La Alcazaba, arab palace over the Roman theater, with the moon looking among the trees. Other of my walks by the Málaga centre.

The same day, I found a Medievil-themed market at Plaza de la Merced.

As you can see, I haven't stayed at home while this blog was "dead". Now that I look at the pictures, I realize that life isn't bad. If Friday the 21st was the last day of our lifes, I couldn't complain. I've done things, little and also great things, and I've laughed, and I've dreamed... We are lucky even for being able to cry - at least I feel so right now. Because when I was crying I was putting things in order in my head, also. I was thinking of all the things I hate and wondering how will I be able to get what I dream. Don't you think? Como podéis ver, no me he quedado en casa mientras este blog andaba muerto. Ahora que miro las fotos, me doy cuenta de que la vida no está mal. Si el viernes 21 fuera el último día de nuestras vidas, no podría quejarme. He hecho cosas, grandes y pequeñas, y he reído, y he soñado... Somos afortunados incluso de poder llorar -por lo menos hablo por mí-. Porque mientras lloraba, estaba poniendo cosas en orden dentro de mi cabeza, estaba pensando en las cosas que odio y también preguntándome qué hacer para conseguir mis sueños. ¿No?
Being grateful for ordinary life and looking at the future (whatever it lasts) with optimism.